You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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