Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
