Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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