I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
