I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
