Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
