do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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