I am puke
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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