***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
4 words: hood of his car
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am available for nakedness
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
