There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
