:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
