I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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