the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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