Sorry, I don't speak sober.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
