Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
