Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
