what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I could make wine with my vomit
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
