I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
