i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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