k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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