was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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