oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
