do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
