K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
