I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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