I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
