We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
