Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
