Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
