He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
last night I used snow as a chaser
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