I wish life had little blips of pornography
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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