hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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