walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
