Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That accounts for only three of the penises
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
