I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
