I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
