I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
