She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
