he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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