i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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