sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
