I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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