I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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