just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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