wrigley field is MILF paradise
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
