Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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