idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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