he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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