I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
