Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
