Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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