I wannas sexs uuuuu
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
